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(via thegreatfuckening)
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I wonder if you will ever know that I wrote that about you?
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Too many new tools and mediums in this project. Learning curve is too great. Will not be finished by the end of the weekend, but I think it will be even more awesome if I take my time.
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Made myself some friends.
Love this!
(via whiskersonkittens)
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I love it when people are heavily airbrushed / photoshopped in pictures, and they STILL look like Shrek.
Just Shrek with even and smooth skin tone.
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This reminds me of the tail end of “Stormbringer” (Michael Moorcock) … and it’s also effing beautiful. -
Hardly slept at all last night. I just lay there for hours trying to fall asleep. When I finally did, I only slept for a few minutes at a time.
The night before last, I dreamed dreams of blood and mutation. I don’t remember too many details, but I remember institutions and transformations and more blood than anyone ever saw. Dark gritty areas and danger all over. I wish I could remember more, but it’s really just images and feelings more than anything else.
I realize that I just need to… get over it. None of it is any of my business. I don’t follow my own advice. I am so well able to see the future and pick the strings for other people, but all too blind when it comes to my own. But even if I can’t see my Way, the least I can do is try to learn to mind my own business. Which I am apparently really freakin bad at.
Also…
Pretty sure that I won’t be doing anything for Halloween this time.
My costumes are like between 5 and 7 years old, and Unless I somehow win 1,500.00 in the lottery or something, there’s not really any way I can do the new one I would like to do. I don’t like doing 1/2 assed things after becoming known for really spectacular work. That’s embarrassing and depressing. At least just not bothering to do anything is just depressing.
Not too happy about much of anything lately.
::E -
Depression is a vicious bitch.
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(via dammitkoi)
2 weeks ago / 19 notes / Source:
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THINGS DOESN’T HAPPEN!
So, pretty much everything is just wacky!
Yesterday Sprint had some sort of unknown crisis, and my phone was not working right all day.
Service was on and off and never acted the way it should. My cysts were bothering me most of the day.
Last night, right before I went to bed, my internet died while I was trying to upload some stuff.
When I went to sleep, my phone was fully charged and on silent.
When I woke up this morning, it was turned off, and had 0 battery.
I had to bring my charger to work to get it running again.
Got up this morning, and my pants were missing. Not like the ones that I was wearing (I was sleeping, I wasn’t wearing any :P ), but the ones that I was going to wear today. they were not where I left them. I looked all over and couldn’t find them. Went and looked in the bathroom “just in case” (I know I didn’t leave them there, but I was at wit’s end). When I came back, they were sitting ON MY BED. WTF?
My keys were not where I usually leave them, so I had to track them down.
Traffic was weird and didn’t flow like usual this morning.
I left home maybe 2 minutes later than usual, but was somehow running like 10 minutes behind in my journey. Due to not having much time, I stopped by Taco Cabana for breakfast and it was HORRIBLE.
Things have been OK since I made it to work (aside from gross breakfast), but it’s just a string of weird.
I am fairly certain that some sort of goblins are involved. -
I was thinking last night…
And it all seemed so much more eloquent and well thought out then.
It seemed like insight and awareness.
But I come here to make a note of it…
And it just (in my head) sounds more like whining than anything else.
More like “the same old thing”.
I was thinking about Love.
About how every failed attempt costs you so much. Or me at least.
Every broken heart… even less than broken… Every injury to my heart…
Each time it takes longer and longer to heal and heals less fully and successfully.
I remember back when unrequited or failed love was just a part of life, and the poignant and sharp sweet suffering was just poetic and as much a part of life as breathing and eating. Didn’t impact me in any negative way. It was almost a good thing. At least, it never bothered me. I could relish the sweet romance of it.
But over time.. The heart and soul take damage.
Every injury takes longer and longer to recover from.
Every time I seem to end up farther and farther short of being fully healed.
It makes everything much more difficult going forward.
So much harder to try again.
Then when that bombs, so much harder to get over it.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
And I’m just sick.
Broken and sick, deep down.
I feel like nothing ever really heals anymore. Not fully at least.
And every time I try, even slightly, it just wears away another piece of me, further infringing on my ability to ever try again.
I worry that too much more, and I won’t be able to try anymore ever again.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I don’t know the trick to replenish my HP bar and keep going.
I need cheat codes at life. -
Maybe it was location scouting…
Last night I had a dream that you and I were walking through a haunted suburbia.
It was mostly abandoned and falling apart. Almost as though there had been bad storms or a flood.
We were weaving in and out of debris and red-neck lawn ornaments. You, tottering in your heels (I can’t imagine you wearing anything else), your tiny dog running ahead.
I was telling you about the various hauntings in each location. What had been seen there, what had taken place. We talked about how it was the most haunted suburb in the world. And it was, there was all sorts of crap going on there. It was eerie to an extreme. also it was awesome, beyond words.
As we dawdled in a particularly interesting area, your dog ran ahead, and somehow got onto a school bus. The bus was full of kids and on it’s way to school. We panicked and ran to my car and got in. We took off after the bus. Speeding down dank swampy back roads, we were somehow having trouble keeping up with the bus, but we knew where the school was, so if we lost it, we would head there to collect your wayward doggie.
I woke up before we made it. -
Once there was boy who had vibrant glow
but as it goes, someone took it from him.
One day through the rain I heard him meekly moan,
he said
“Will you wrap your arms around me,
as I’m falling?”
Remember when we were all so beautiful?
Never Again
But since then we’ve lost our glow.
They said it hurt their eyes but he would never know,
that they were filled with regret as their own dissipated.
He said,
“I now feel more desperately alone
even though they wrapped their arms around me,
as I’d fallen.” -
Took my girlfriend for a ride earlier.
